February 12, 2014
For some time I have been thinking to write again .
Almost a year after the last posting on this blog .
Write about what I went through this period ... Surely the most intense, the more full of learning, anguish, of happiness , loneliness and companionship period that I have lived so far.
A year of loss and rediscovering. Mainly losses and Rediscovering.
One year ago I was in the same anchorage, North Anchorage, Carenero Island in Bocas del Toro, Panama.
Interestingly , also with the feeling that I should go back to writing.
A year ago I made a summary of what had happened in our lives , mine and Rafa , so that we could become Cruisers. Talking about the steps that we made to finally have the feeling that we were living the dream of so many years.
In one year , a new phase began in our lives .
Throughout my life I have had a dream. Distant, almost impossible at first, but over the years with daily effort, with the help of something higher, universal conspiracies, destiny, faith, path, luck, chance and love, especially love, I was able to accomplish.
I dreamed that one day would be a Sea Traveler. I'd live on a sailboat. would sail from island to island in search of waves, nature, diving, new friends , new cultures ...
A year ago I was sitting in an idyllic anchorage with transparent water , living and traveling in a dream boat for over two years listening to the sound of waves crashing on a perfect reef, right there behind the island, in a distant country of different culture, next to the woman of my dreams .
I had finally realized the dream of my life . 35 years old ...
But ... so what?
Life does not end when we do not accomplish our dreams , but also does not end when we realize them.
The difficult for the dreamer , when living the dream, is to find your next dream .
His next mission in life, his new goal, new purpose, new challenge, new Path...
Sometime after this, Rafa decided to go in search of their dream . Her dream was no longer living aboard .
She had lived this beautiful dream for years , met his brilliance and darkness. Donated herself in a unique way to perform and live this life experience.
Literally gave blood, sweat and tears , thankfully most of them , tears of happiness.
But she felt his new dream was no longer aboard Brava . Decided to return to Brazil in search of a new realization , a new goal , a new challenge , a new path . In search of a new reunion with herself , with her dreamy soul.
We had a sad farewell , full of love, sincerity , kindness and mutual support . Feelings that every day grow more between us. Hard not to cry remembering the last moments of her on Brava. To remember how painful it was to accept the fact that our Paths diverged.
I broke down, collapsed, went to find myself.
She broke down, collapsed, and went to find herself.
I found a sailboat that needed crew to cross the Atlantic out of St Maarten in the Caribbean and arriving in Palma de Mallorca, Mediterranean Sea.
I was able to return to find friends a long time not seen, places that for a long time I did not return, felt emotions that for a long time did not feel.
But even using the unique deep blue from the middle of the Atlantic Ocean as a mirror to my soul for days and nights of reflection and search, I still had not rediscovered myself.
20 days crossing the Atlantic, during which I rediscovered myself as a sailor.
Arriving in Europe I decided to go for an old dream that I always postponed.
I decided to buy a bike and do the Camino del Norte, one of the longest routes of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. Cycled for the north coast of Spain, between Bilbao and Santiago de Compostela, alone, accompanied by a surfboard and the willingness to surf as much waves as I could along the way, find people, places, knowledge.
I found much more than that. I found humility, I found silence, I found Peace.
Found that each one has its own path. To feel that someone else must give up her Path to follow your Path is not Love , but rather an almost opposite feeling. Love is supporting whom you Love to find his-her Path.
I discovered that true love between two people is to share joys and sorrows sincerely as they walk together on the same Path, as long as it lasts. To know that only time will make your Paths to cross back ... Or not ... but even them they support each other, happy to know that the other is following his-her path, his-her quest , his-her dream. Because that´s what dreamers do ....they walk, they dream...
Arrive in Santiago , keep moving... because the Path never end, it perpetuates in each step that you do.
I did not know what I was seeking in this Path, but I knew that I had rediscovered myself as a Pilgrim .
Returned by bike to Portugal and started to work as Surf Teacher again. Spent a lot of time with very important people in my life, I relived emotions , went back to places and had the opportunity to do a reading about my life in the last 15 years . What had lived since the first time I was in the Azores and the met the Blue Water Cruisers, SeaTravellers and decided that that was my dream, my life mission , my goal , my real desire , my challenge , my way, my Path.
Rediscovered the value of friendships, the insignificance of the time, the pleasure of surfing, the joy in teaching.
Four months searching, rediscovering myself. I was once again a Dreamer, Traveler, adventurer, surfer, friend ...
Returned to Brazil. Needed to spend some time with my family, my friends, Rafa...
Lived unique moments with all of them. Incredibly unique.
I rediscovered myself as a son, as a brother, as a friend...
But I felt that I still had not rediscovered myself as I needed.
I went back to Bocas del Toro to rediscover Brava after 5 months.
It was hard to find my Dream Boat-house in such a bad shape after 5 months closed. Mold, cockroaches, ants and geckos had taken possession of her. The problems arrived with the Panamanian moisture or by cables that tied Brava to the dock.
But all the work of the early days helped me to fight against loneliness. Helped me pursue goals, create goals, focus...
Two weeks and four extermination sessions after, Brava was already returning to her normal state.
Friends came to visit , the waves were back , sailed again, dolphins playing around, anchored in transparent water, in the comfort of a dream boat , happy to be back home , to be living the dream .
Finally I had rediscovered myself again .
I rediscovered that this is my path. I'm a Dreamer. I am a Pilgrim I am a Blue Water Sailor, I am a Surfer...
My new dream is to live on a sailboat and sail from island to island in search of waves, nature, diving, new friends, new cultures ... to dream, achieve and dream again. Learn what is hided behind every corner and follow the Path in search of what the next step will teach me.
Everything was always exposed right in front of me, showing me the direction... the love of my family , the partnership of the friends, the similarities and differences , the rights and wrongs , the ups and downs , the tireless companion.
I can feel that an important phase of my life had ended and one even more important starts .
Let the Pacific come and. bring on new challenges.
Thank My God for always guiding me….
Thanks to everyone who somehow helped me to keep walking.
Good walk on your Path Rafa. Thank you for hold my hand for such a long way.
Never stop dreaming!